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“We’re” now in the Premier League.

I support QPR. It’s like being born with a congenital defect that I put there myself. I could have opted, like most of my classmates, for Arsenal, Tottenham or Chelsea – all relatively local – and enjoyed moments of joy amidst the pain but no. I picked the nearest team to where I was born and have suffered the consequences ever since. But now my second team are in the top flight. Fulham beat Aston Villa 1-0 at Wembley yesterday to secure promotion. They’re in the same borough as QPR and I used to go and see them regularly when they played their home games at Loftus Road for a couple of seasons. So I’m a sort of Fulham fan. But I’m not the real deal. Not like my friend Brian Jones, Fulham born and bred, Fulham through and through. And Hugh Grant who, rather surprisingly, picked this on Desert Island Discs.

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