It’s 5777.

So Happy Jewish New Year. I come from North London, so I’ve never been far from Jewish people and I love them. In my experience, they’re good, kind, intelligent and loyal. So what if Jewish women are often wasted on Jewish men? I love the fact that Judaism isn’t so much a religion, it’s more like membership of the Freemasons. It’s a refreshingly Godless creed in which having a family, building a business, Friday night dinner, smoked salmon, the state of Israel and various neuroses rank far higher than the tenets of the Talmud. So let’s celebrate Rosh Hashanah with this most stereotypical of Jewish songs. Because in counting so many great Jewish people among my friends, I’m a very rich man indeed.