Category Archives: Worlds Shortest Radio Show

Many years ago, my friend Hilary O’Connor asked me to come to her nephew’s christening. “It’s karaoke”, she said, as if this was perfectly normal. I was at school with the O’Connors and they do weddings, christenings, even funerals (especially funerals), better than any family I know. The Karaoke Christening was a perfect example. Somewhere […]

I have a 16-year-old-daughter so it’s an occupational hazard. Unlike the majority of big stores, most of it is underground and as the escalators carry you down to its gigantic, subterranean depths, it’s like entering the Seventh Circle of Hell. Among the hangars of hangers, the hundreds of female customers and the horrible, horrible music, […]

Mine plays the opening note of this, so every morning I find myself singing “It’s been seven hours and fifteen days…”. And then I look at the title, I’m reminded of Prince’s prescience – using text spellings before texting had even been invented. Gr8, eh? Lol!!

….was once one of London’s major attractions. We had a school trip there and I thought it was fantastic – an exhibition about all the nations in the Commonwealth. But after its 1970s heyday, visitor numbers dwindled and it was eventually closed down. Pictures of kangaroos, Canadian Mounties and black people harvesting sugar cane seemed […]

But I’m going today. Just saying.

Today we’ll be seeing that rather predictable headline as Fleet Street celebrates Prince George’s first birthday. Because that’s how posh people speak, isn’t it? They say “one” all the time, don’t they? Not really. But that corny headline reminded me of a great 70s hit by long forgotten pair of old hippies. So let’s use […]

So obviously we assumed his band would be rubbish. I could have gone to see them play countless times in local pubs but Miss Rowland’s brother? Nah. Of course, a few months later when this fantastic record was No.1, I was suddenly their biggest fan, claiming to have been at all those early pub gigs. […]

And I wanted it to be sunny. So instead of praying, I just kept singing the chorus of this song to myself. And would you believe it, the sun came out. Based on this, I think I might start a new religion. Ridiculous, I know. But would it really be any more ridiculous than the […]

Mine is Kensington Memorial Park. Nowhere near Kensington, it’s in the middle of a neatly laid out 1930s council estate near the top end of Ladbroke Grove. Small, well-kept but unspectacular, it’s the perfect urban park – a welcome little retreat for locals whose flats have no gardens. It’s a glorious day and I’d like […]

In his green blazer and thick glasses, it’s hard to imagine anyone looking less like a Rastafarian than Michael Garvey. So obviously, we would go up to him in the playground, nod our heads slowly, pretend to be stoned and sing “Hivrybody lov Maychael Garvey”. God, he must have got fed up with it. Or […]