Oh God, they’re everywhere.

It’s half term and London is crawling with children. During school holidays, you expect to see parents with kids around Oxford Street, Covent Garden and the museums in South Kensington. The difference now is there are far more of them in corners of London that were once off-limits. Since London has become such a cleaned-up child-friendly tourist destination, families from distant suburbs are now wandering around Soho and Shoreditch. And they don’t walk speedily like native Londoners. They potter aimlessly about then stop for no apparent reason, causing the pedestrian equivalent of a five-car pile up. When I was about 14, it was very different. Two mates and I were actually arrested just for being in Soho on a Saturday afternoon. Yes! That’s the answer. Round up these annoying families and bung them in the cells.