Neil is a builder and very “clever with his hands”. Which makes me educationally sub-normal. I’m comedically clumsy and quite unable to do anything practical. No idea why since I fulfil all the other criteria. Thick set, half Irish, slightly common and brought up among manual labourers. But no, the last part of the genetic jigsaw was not passed down. Well, I’d probably have dropped it anyway. The last time I changed a lightbulb resulted in a trip to A&E and five stitches in my thumb. But I take comfort from the fact that a lot of Neil’s work comes from un-bodging tight-fisted amateurs’ attempts at DIY. And that Billy Bragg, whom I’d always thought would be a dab hand with a Black & Decker, is every bit as useless as me.
Oh good, Neil’s coming over..

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