I can’t help it. I don’t care.

About DIY and home improvements. I don’t want to live in a slum but I’d much be happier in a hotel, a pre-Thatcher London council house or a rented apartment in Berlin with a bicycle secured to the balcony. However, since the UK is a country obsessed with owning and improving property, and you have little choice but to go along with it, we’re getting a new kitchen. Admittedly, not before time so I’ve endured a morning gazing vacantly at endless acres of flooring and work surfaces. My wife kept asking my opinion but my rather irritating contributions were simply saying “Yeah, whatever” and constantly singing this song. Oh, and paying for it all.