When you see lists of “Influential Songs”, how come this one never features?

It should because it was. Maybe not musically but culturally. When it came out, nobody knew what a Pina Colada was but through this song, they found out. And it really was largely responsible for the ensuing popularity of cocktails. Pubs were seen as rather drab and cocktail bars started springing up all over the country. British people thought it was the height of 80s sophistication to sit in a mirrored bar, sipping a glass of phlegm with a tree in it. This hugely influential record isn’t great but, being a sucker for a song with a story, I quite like it. But then, I’m also quite partial to a pina colada.