My luxury item on Desert Island Discs…

….would be an unlimited supply of Gillette razors and Kiehl’s shaving cream. Because whenever a man is stranded on a desert island, whether it’s Robinson Crusoe or Tom Hanks in Cast Away, he’s invariably depicted with a big, bushy beard. As long as I had my razors and shaving cream, I’d never feel like a castaway nor lose hope of being rescued. Ironically, I can’t actually grow a beard. The best I can manage is a grubby looking bit of sixth-form fuzz around my chin. So for the last couple of years, I’ve had to spectate rather than participate in biggest vogue for facial hair since the 19th century. Probably just as well. Even if I could grow one now, I wouldn’t look like a cool Hoxton hipster: I’d look like Uncle Albert from Only Fools and Horses.