I bet I get breathalysed tonight….

I did last year. Pulled over on the Harrow Road after going to see Ivy and Basil. They’re a Jamaican couple who used to live round the corner and Ivy was one of my mum’s oldest friends. Their house is always full of music, laughter and far too many decorations. I go every Christmas and always return with a huge slab of Ivy’s rum-soaked Christmas cake. When I was stopped last time, almost lethal fumes of booze were released into the night as soon as I got out of the car. The copper couldn’t believe I was sober. I then pointed out that it wasn’t me, it was Ivy’s cake that was at least eight times over the limit. This a tune I first heard at their house when I still lived round the corner. And whenever I hear it, I wish I still did.