My wife’s gone to her mother’s….

I know that sounds like the beginning of a Les Dawson routine but all I’m going to say about my mother-in-law is that she looks exactly like Petula Clark. I met Petula Clark a couple of years ago with David Gest at Vanessa Feltz’s valentine’s party (now there’s a sentence I never thought I’d write) and the real-life resemblance is extraordinary. In fact, I don’t think the two of them have ever been seen in the same room. There’s only one thing for it – next time she comes to visit, I’m going to make her sing this. And if she can, well, my suspicions will be confirmed.